affairs of the doggie’s heart #2

it’s been two days since the worsening of Princess’ condition, and it isn’t getting any better. the anti-nausea drugs do not seem to be working on her as she is chucking out copious amounts of undigested food. my main concern right now apart from the obvious weight loss is the loss of fluids and electrolyte imbalance as a result.

honestly, this isn’t panning out well and as each hour goes by, I am grateful that she has not chucked. she is suffering from incontinence and that is made worse by her current condition. incontinence is something we can deal with since it is part and parcel of growing old (to a certain extent), but if she isn’t able to absorb nutrients that are beneficial for her continued growth and sustenance, then that in itself will produce a serious issue.

her look of confusion as she approaches me pains me. it is the same look one would give when suffering from a terminal disease and pain that one cannot be alleviated from. she still responds rather happily and readily to food (anything but kibble), and still comes over for hugs and pats when motioned to do so (she is getting deaf and hence can’t hear properly).

I really really hate this situation that I’m in now. is it selfish of me to ask for it to end now? or am I being too cruel in not being willing to endure the pain and hurt that I will be exposed to each time I touch my dog’s now skinny body.

I really am at a loss.

affairs of the doggie’s heart

certain readers might know that I have a four legged friend named Princess. she’s a 14 year old English Golden Cocker Spaniel, and has been with me for most parts of my life… discounting the past few years I have spent in Australia.

recently (just yesterday, actually), she has been feeling rather ill. nausea, diarrhea, cocking of the head, loss of strength in her hind legs. in essence, I thought it was her arthritis acting up again since I was told that this had happened before earlier in the year.

at the vet, some blood work was done on her and all readings came back to be within the range of normal function. a twitch in the left eyelid was noticed, and nystagmus was observed in both her eyes. the doctor did not arrive at a diagnosis as there were a couple of possible explanations for what was happening to her, namely an inner ear infection or a neural occurrence. she likened the neural occurrence to be something similar to a stroke, but not a stroke per se; whilst the inner ear infection was linked to the sensation of nausea (since the sense of balance is attained via the ear canal fluids). antibiotics were dispensed to try to deal with a possible inner ear affection, as well as an anti-inflammatory shot plus an anti-nausea shot.

I can’t help but feel very hopeless and terribly sad that my dog is going through such trauma. funny thing is, she still gets stimulated by the smell of food (be it hers or mine!) and she is still active enough to walk towards us when she smells food on the table. apart from that, she is resting most of the time, and does not have the strength to do anything else.

it has only been a very recent occurrence, and I’m just terribly worried about how the situation may pan out. I have entertained thoughts of the inevitable happening, but never did I figure that the day might be here so soon. like the vet said, she’s not in any immediate risk of passing away anytime soon, but that being said… would her quality of life be affected at all? would prolonging her misery for my selfish reasons of not wanting to make a hard decision make her suffer even more?

I hate being here now. I wish I was the irresponsible child, back in Australia and having a whale of a time away from this all. unfortunately, this is my dog (even though I do not pick up its poop or walk it anymore) and like it or not, I’ve got to face up to reality and make the decision when the time comes.

still doesn’t change the fact that I hate being here now.