affairs of the doggie’s heart #4

this will be a short post with regards to the condition of Princess. it isn’t due to me not having anything to say about her current condition but rather we’ve been told to go back on the 31st of December for another check. What is happening now would just be us monitoring her condition and making sure she is kept out of situations that require her to make major use of balance, such as stair climbing or rough physical activity like fetching.

I’m both relieved and still slightly anxious over her physical health, but I guess this is all a part of her enjoying her sunset years.

affairs of the doggie’s heart #3

Princess seems to be a lot better now. she still vomits when she wakes up in the morning, but the incidences of nausea is only isolated to that time frame. she is still incontinent though, although I was told that this incontinence has been an ever present problem for a while now, and has not been exacerbated by her current condition.

Princess still walks with her head cocked to the left. there has been noticeable differences in her gait, particularly how her hind legs spread outwards when she is standing still, very much like a tripod. there is also a slight tremor-like occurrence on her front left feet when she is leaning towards her right. despite all these problems, she is still quite active (comes out to look for my mum or I when we’re not around, comes out to look for the source of food that she smelt), and even barked at a stranger that walked past our unit.

I don’t know if these are signs to be optimistic by, because the underlying causes of this problem could be more significant than what was first thought. only the visit to the vet later would tell us a bit more (hopefully). my only wish is that she doesn’t suffer. that’s the least I can ask for a member of my family for the past 14 odd years.

affairs of the doggie’s heart #2

it’s been two days since the worsening of Princess’ condition, and it isn’t getting any better. the anti-nausea drugs do not seem to be working on her as she is chucking out copious amounts of undigested food. my main concern right now apart from the obvious weight loss is the loss of fluids and electrolyte imbalance as a result.

honestly, this isn’t panning out well and as each hour goes by, I am grateful that she has not chucked. she is suffering from incontinence and that is made worse by her current condition. incontinence is something we can deal with since it is part and parcel of growing old (to a certain extent), but if she isn’t able to absorb nutrients that are beneficial for her continued growth and sustenance, then that in itself will produce a serious issue.

her look of confusion as she approaches me pains me. it is the same look one would give when suffering from a terminal disease and pain that one cannot be alleviated from. she still responds rather happily and readily to food (anything but kibble), and still comes over for hugs and pats when motioned to do so (she is getting deaf and hence can’t hear properly).

I really really hate this situation that I’m in now. is it selfish of me to ask for it to end now? or am I being too cruel in not being willing to endure the pain and hurt that I will be exposed to each time I touch my dog’s now skinny body.

I really am at a loss.

affairs of the doggie’s heart

certain readers might know that I have a four legged friend named Princess. she’s a 14 year old English Golden Cocker Spaniel, and has been with me for most parts of my life… discounting the past few years I have spent in Australia.

recently (just yesterday, actually), she has been feeling rather ill. nausea, diarrhea, cocking of the head, loss of strength in her hind legs. in essence, I thought it was her arthritis acting up again since I was told that this had happened before earlier in the year.

at the vet, some blood work was done on her and all readings came back to be within the range of normal function. a twitch in the left eyelid was noticed, and nystagmus was observed in both her eyes. the doctor did not arrive at a diagnosis as there were a couple of possible explanations for what was happening to her, namely an inner ear infection or a neural occurrence. she likened the neural occurrence to be something similar to a stroke, but not a stroke per se; whilst the inner ear infection was linked to the sensation of nausea (since the sense of balance is attained via the ear canal fluids). antibiotics were dispensed to try to deal with a possible inner ear affection, as well as an anti-inflammatory shot plus an anti-nausea shot.

I can’t help but feel very hopeless and terribly sad that my dog is going through such trauma. funny thing is, she still gets stimulated by the smell of food (be it hers or mine!) and she is still active enough to walk towards us when she smells food on the table. apart from that, she is resting most of the time, and does not have the strength to do anything else.

it has only been a very recent occurrence, and I’m just terribly worried about how the situation may pan out. I have entertained thoughts of the inevitable happening, but never did I figure that the day might be here so soon. like the vet said, she’s not in any immediate risk of passing away anytime soon, but that being said… would her quality of life be affected at all? would prolonging her misery for my selfish reasons of not wanting to make a hard decision make her suffer even more?

I hate being here now. I wish I was the irresponsible child, back in Australia and having a whale of a time away from this all. unfortunately, this is my dog (even though I do not pick up its poop or walk it anymore) and like it or not, I’ve got to face up to reality and make the decision when the time comes.

still doesn’t change the fact that I hate being here now.

the music in me

it would be narcissistic of me to say that music has always been my sole passion and I aim to excel in this passion of mine. narcissistic because 1.) music isn’t exactly my sole passion, I thought phrasing it that way would get your attention, and 2.) because to be honest, I just want to be proficient in it.

they say that music soothes even the most savage of beasts, and that the tune and melody of music transcends all boundaries, physical or socially constructed. that melody can be constructed by just 12 notes is as amazing as knowing that Carbon 12 can be found in most, if not all of matter throughout the universe. this melodic structure allows us, mere mortals and human beings, to convey a myriad of emotions on an extraordinarily fascinating level. be it if you were just a part time musician, or a full professional in it for the passion, we all know what music can do for us and for the population in general.

in essence, music is just fricking sweet to quote Peter Griffin.

I have recently tried my hand at re-mastering the wonderful instrument known as the guitar. how adolescent males would stand in front of the mirrors and do their best impression of a solo being rendered out by Slash, or Buckethead. or how, you would imagine yourself being in the midst of an orgy of fans screaming your name whilst you belt out this amazing finger numbing solo that serves to vapourise the knickers of all the ladies in the crowd. the symbol of the guitar to teenage boys what the Power Sword is to Prince Adam. in a time where facial features are beset with acne, and where ones vocal range is as limited as (insert name of actor/actress who you think just can’t hack it)’s ability, the guitar served as a stable anchor point, upon which one would feel safe to withdraw into. the guitar, amongst numerous other items of fancy at that time, offered a serene platform on which I was able to claim some sort of mastery over it, all whilst experiencing unstable times in physical and mental development.

wonderful as it might have been, I did give up all hope on the guitar after experiencing what has got to be the most unmotivated guitar teacher teaching me. a fellow friend can attest to how the money we paid for lessons could have been better spent on other things, like taking pictures of ourselves in gigantic Neoprint machines (back in the days where there was a clear separation of technology, phones didn’t have any camera offerings and digital photography was at its mere infancy!)

but recent happenings (including the introduction of an awesome thing called Guitar Hero) have spurred me on to plonk some money down on a decent axe and some fundamental lessons to re-learn/re-educate/re-format past experiences.

this promises to be the start of a beautiful relationship, one which I regret abandoning a long time ago. thankfully, for my sanity, music does not know any trangression against the user. it merely facilitates the expression of emotion.

expressing my emotions, for now, is what I am doing through Leo Fender’s creation.

the infinite madness

madness comes in all shapes and forms.

in colloquial terms, madness is normally associated with mental instability and unawareness of the self.

in creation terms, madness is normally associated with the platypus.

and in my terms, madness is associated with everything.

everything and anything I say.

casual observations have led me to belief that this world is besieged by maniacs who probably do not have a clue as to what is going on outside the four walls of their oddly constructed reality. people seemingly in a rush to get to places unknown, with reckless regard to if they even arrive at all, let alone in one piece.  or that in my idiocy, I decided to stay at home and do absolutely nothing instead of spending it on something more productive, like trawling the web for interesting and random articles/facts that will only do me good on a trivia night many moons later.

a thousand thoughts are running through my head, each of them with different finishing lines. they do not compete with each other to vie for the number one spot in my cerebral processing sphere of influence, nor do they sit in the background and engage in idle banter. they just do their things. namely, to finish the race and irritate me with my sheer moments of randomness when I am engaged in other stuff.

oh woe to me. that I should engage in such useless activities that consume almost all my time, energy and effort. woe to me for not picking up the book to read, or the guitar to play.

and it is with this sentence that this thought has reached its finishing line.

PS. I’m not mad. no, seriously.

first week

funny how I tend to think of a good title for the post before even knowing what to write in the body itself. one would have thought that the title be only conjured up once you get a rough inclination of how the body will go. but one would have also thought that I was a douchebag, and that the world is nice and square. oh wait a minute….

anyway, the past week has been a splendid week for me in terms of self discovery. to my amazement, there are plenty of idiots on the road, and there is no way in hell that you can avoid them, even if you try to crawl out of your hiding hole at 4.32 in the morning on a rain lashed Tuesday. you are bound to meet an idiot on the road, even with the said situation. if comets were to fall from the sky ala Michael Bay style in Armageddon, you will still find idiotic drivers on the road. there just isn’t any chance for escape. I wouldn’t bother whinging about how horrible drivers here are, considering how they probably aren’t any better back in Australia. well okay that is an understatement (the chance encounter with an idiotic driver in this place is probably higher than say, getting a date with Gemma Atkinson and seeing her in her birthday suit after a date. unless you’re her latest squeeze, in which the odds wouldn’t be fair now, would it?)

it’s also been nice to meet up with old friends and do the stuff that friends do when they haven’t seen each other in a long time. mainly hurl obscenities at each other for still being the same Joe Bloke that we left of many years ago. and oh, squealing like idiots too. oh… wait. that didn’t happen.

I’m dying of boredom here and if it wasn’t for the sanity of my Fender Strat, and some good books to read, I’d be crying myself to sleep to pass the time away just that little bit quicker. maybe I should do something responsible and right, and look for a part time job. or maybe I should just do what I’ve always been doing during every holiday that I take, and that is to pig out till my heart is full of contentment.

and so, I bid adieu. to the arms of embrace in which only music can offer, I will warmly snuggle up to. plus a hot cup of hot chocolate with some marshmellows in it. oh wait… I don’t have that here. a teh si, then.

and then some

I don’t know if anybody bothers to read this anymore, seeing how I’ve allowed it to degrade to the point of it being past shambles (if that is even possible). but I figured it would be nice for me to just start blogging again.

the idea of exposing my inner sanctum to semi-public scrutiny (it isn’t fully public if you don’t have a regular audience now, isn’t it?) doesn’t really appeal to me. I don’t know what has caused me to become the recluse that I am now, but I’m sure as hell not complaining when it comes to such a thought.

I guess ultimately, it is this narcissistic bit in me that craves for attention, like a baby craving for it’s mother’s teat. it’s an instinctive bit of human life, something that Freud coined the Id. maybe it’s just me giving in to my primal urges of wanting to be recognised. or maybe I’m just bored and decided this was a much better exercise in killing time then say, reading a book. speaking of books, I’m reading this splendid piece of literature by the same bloke who wrote The Kite Runner called A Thousand Splendid Suns. I’ve set aside some books for me to read over the holidays, just to kill time and ensure that my brain does not turn to mush on a healthy diet of idling and alcoholic indulgence.

long story short, I am back. for how long, I don’t know. but I would like to think of myself as the wandering journeyman through a said passage in time and chronicling his adventures, if he even has any to begin with.

after all, didn’t some wise guy said that this was the mispelled adventures of terryansimon?